Lost and found

The interesting things are those that change. Constant is boring. Today I will write about how my picture of India changed. Or more precisely, how my picture of myself changed. After all I'm primarily concerned not as much about the country, as about myself.

I chose India because I wanted to see something different. Something as different as it gets. I wanted to leave Germany behind, and Germany means a lot. Germany is bad weather, Germany is annoying family, Germany is boring friends, Germany is low self-esteem, Germany is an unsatisfying carreer, Germany is a stupid people, Germany is a boring me.* I was running away. It wasn't so much about what I was going to get, but what I was going to leave. Consequently I wanted to take with me as little as possible. Only few cloth, I wanted to get new, Indian cloth. Not my laptop, I wanted to find new ways to spend my time. Not my music, I wanted to listen to a new sound. Not my habits, I wanted to change. Not my fears, I wanted to become fearless.

During my first week I was dedicated to this plan. I didn't get my laptop out of the bag. I didn't listen to any of my beloved music. I didn't eat any familiar food. I didn't drink alcohol. I didn't like to spent time with white people. Instead I tried to talk with Indians wherever possible. Hanging out with the mostly European intern community was too familiar, too easy. This all made me feel pretty uncomfortable. It was a deep break with to my old self, and now I know what a "culture shock" is. I was quite successful in leaving myself behind.

Was I? After all I'm not sure.
Thinking about it now, my first week seems a long time ago. I was then very confused, insecure, homesick, overwhelmed. By now I feel routine in what I do. I don't miss home too much. I feel safe and comfortable. I know what to do and I feel I'm in control of my life. However on the way of reacquiring this comfort many habits I wanted to leave have reappeared. For example I started listening to my familiar music before sleeping.
Also I feel homely in the intern community, much more than I ever expected or intended. And I spent much time with them. Much more than with any Indian people. That's nice, because I don't wake up with an unbearable homesickness anymore, or feel feel completely lost in a hostile country. Instead I'm actually quite satisfied with me and my life.
But on the other hand, I feel I'm missing out on things. It's not the total conversion of my personality I once wished. And I'm not completely immersed in an Indian community. Rather I feel like establishing my identity as a "tourist". At the same time many things have become so familiar that I don't consciously notice them anymore. Like the head-nodding that confused me a lot during the first days, or the noise on the streets, or the women's cloth.

I'm not quite sure, what to make of all this, however I have two concluding thoughts: First, seeing another culture is nice, but observing how the own mind deals with the situation is the truly amazing part. Second, I'm impressed how capable the mind is of adapting to a strange situation. That is how quickly strange things become normal, and how strong and resistant one's identity is rooted.


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* Don't get me wrong on this one. There's a lot of pleasant things in Germany, but for the sake of the argument I'm listing the bad ones here.




A few days ago Hisashi from Japan arrived, and now we're working on my project together. It's much more fun. Here's a pictures of us and as you can see we've been quite lucky with the weather lately.
And another picture I took last week:

"Fische"